{"id":7311,"date":"2024-07-13T16:03:30","date_gmt":"2024-07-13T20:03:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/hyperthinking.us\/weblog\/?p=7311"},"modified":"2025-06-18T06:37:07","modified_gmt":"2025-06-18T10:37:07","slug":"my-textbook","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hyperthinking.us\/weblog\/2024\/07\/13\/my-textbook\/","title":{"rendered":"My Textbook"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Thinking about my life, how it has gone, thinking about the WHY I did or DIDN’T do something, the fact is I have a talent for singing, but just couldn’t do it … couldn’t make a career out of it, couldn’t figure out how to start a band or to write my own music, it just wouldn’t come out. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So I opted to work until I found someone to marry and start a family. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And stay home with the children. Safe. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Safe for me, safe for them. As far as the out-there stuff goes, great.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
Dink and two of his little buddies.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I had different hobbies overtime. I collected Teddy Bears (Boyds) for awhile. Before that it was coffee mugs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
Some of the LEGO, some of the Boyd;s Bears, Chickens, and Cows. <\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Then came LEGO, oh so much LEGO, sets I love to pieces and have NEVER opened. I built a lot of it, but not most of it, not my favorite sets.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have collected music via LP, cassette and CD since I was 13 and had enough money to sometime buy a record in the early 80’s, then a few cassettes, then CD’s only ’til sometime in the 20-teens I got more LP’s.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now I still collect CD’s and also movies and TV shows on discs. I collect it all and get it into my computer so I can watch and listen ad nauseum to all of it at a whim, but watch and listen to the same stuff over and over and over and sleep to it too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cats. I love cats. We have cats, always have cats.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I garden. I suck at gardening, but continue to try.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have less energy the last few years, before covid, mind you. Getting older suck for some people. I’m one of them. I don’t feel old, but I let things go because of a lack of energy and sensitivities up the whatever-you-call-it, and hormonal weight added that just won’t leave me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I used to read more, but it’s just too difficult to read with so many interruptions by a family, so I’m back where I used to be, reading non-fiction books if I read any, and reading junk online a lot too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Playing games online or solo, PSN, Steam, but having to stop that for the last eight months or so when hit with carpal tunnel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s a lot better and I can use my computer and phone with less pain and annoyance again, but a bad night is what I do best, and my wrists and fingers love to react because of that. (I wear braces on my wrist\/forearm for sleeping, which is like a prison and I already have problems staying asleep sometimes.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What is the one word you could use to describe someone?<\/em><\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Mine is: Intense1<\/a><\/sup><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do I love? Intensely yes. Can I say it? No. It hurts to say it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do I look others in their eyes? Heck no!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do I answer the door if someone knocks or rings the doorbell? NO! I hide.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do I answer the phone if it’s someone not in my family? Nope.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I hide it’s high dungeon time. Nope! Heck No! SCREAMING inside anxiety through the roof. Which is exhausting. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do I like to cuddle, with a cat, yes, human. No. Not even hubby. Never did like to, never did I ask to. I didn’t like having to sleep next to anyone ever. I had night wake forever because of it, I can’t stand hearing breathing and the heartbeat of husband. I feel abandoned when I hear it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I sleep separate for this carpal time, and I like it, even if it’s horrible because of carpal pain and misery.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Before all the carpal, I had a ritualistic night, in bed sleeping before 9pm. Hubby would get drunk and go to bed at 7pm without telling me. I’d go up to do my stuff and he’d be sprawled out all over the bed, snoring. Grab my pillow and throw and down to the couch I’d go. Mad, thwarted from my routine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Worse was when I was just asleep and he’d come to bed after me and lay with his face RIGHT in front of mine, stinky beer or whiskey. UGH. Immediately I’d get up and grab my pillow and sulk down the stairs to the couch, seething really.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

[Thinking about it, my “routine” was ignored by him. He didn’t recognized it. WTF! No, he won’t accept talking about RULES or ADHD or AUTISM. He’s an old-school idiot.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This became more and more a thing and I actually stayed on the couch for a long day after day. He was out of town every other week so I’d have 4-6 days of having the bed to myself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not much of a mystery to see me sleeping on the couch every night, even when he wasn’t there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Since carpal I spend my nights on the loveseat I have in my office. It’s OK for me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At any rate, I think he has ADHD and addiction to alcohol and depression brewing he separates himself all day in his office with his laptop, when he didn’t always, now he always has stuff playing on a second monitor while he works, then when not working he posts of sports forums, reads articles, while watching sports on the 2nd monitor and a tv show or movie on the 3rd monitor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some years ago this was such a thing I instituted Family Game Night, cards or a board game. We’d make a dessert to enjoy during it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was 1. Family Game Night, 2. You have to play with us to get dessert 3. you can leave after that. 4. Everyone else has to stay.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It wasn’t me anyone really listens to. Youngest begs not to play with us and Father agrees he can do that and have dessert too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not cool.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rules I have, people don’t like them. I have less energy when I am fought about things, questioned endlessly. Ugh.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have a life in a dumb body that just betrays me at every turn. What’s it like to be someone else. TV and movies and music try to show me. My life has a feeling of this or that scene from a movie or tv show frequently. I say lines outloud. I feel the situation matching use deeply. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Others don’t usually.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I see patterns and templates everywhere.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I see moving pictures, movies and snapshots in my brain is how I think, with mysterious words in the background, not visual and not audible just there unexplainable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I can be high energy intense about something. Otherwise it’s a struggle to live, to decide on dinner that everyone will eat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If only it were simple.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But it’s not. There are bad things and worse things going on which push me down further and further.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n
  1. or Eclectic, or Odd, or Quirky \u21a9\ufe0e<\/a><\/li><\/ol>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Thinking about my life, how it has gone, thinking about the WHY I did or DIDN’T do something, the fact is I have a talent for singing, but just couldn’t do it … couldn’t make a career out of it, couldn’t figure out how to start a band or to write my own music, it […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"[{\"content\":\"or Eclectic, or Odd, or Quirky\",\"id\":\"07ab3610-5ca8-4d79-9824-2923b1ee04ce\"}]","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[1746,1732],"class_list":["post-7311","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general","tag-autism","tag-who-am-i"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":8375,"url":"https:\/\/hyperthinking.us\/weblog\/2025\/08\/06\/ordered-a-few-things-to-help-ps5-job\/","url_meta":{"origin":7311,"position":0},"title":"Ordered a few things to help PS5 job","author":"Maisy","date":"Wednesday, August 6, 2025","format":false,"excerpt":"I ordered a new PS5 fan port. Should be here in a week or less. I didn't like how the old one was turning out in the end, much worse looking taking the side track pads off. Just decided it was a safe bet to get a brand new one,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Devices"","block_context":{"text":"Devices","link":"https:\/\/hyperthinking.us\/weblog\/category\/devices\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":43,"url":"https:\/\/hyperthinking.us\/weblog\/2002\/11\/08\/win-xp-thumbs-up-sp1-thumbs-down-down-down\/","url_meta":{"origin":7311,"position":1},"title":"Win XP: thumbs up; SP1: thumbs down, down, down …","author":"Maisy","date":"Friday, November 8, 2002","format":false,"excerpt":"Windows XP: I like it alright. Actually, I like it better than any previous versions. It's more stable than any of the three other platforms this monitor I'm using now worked for. What I don't like is SP1. Yes, Service Pack 1 for WIN XP. I built this computer, and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Computers"","block_context":{"text":"Computers","link":"https:\/\/hyperthinking.us\/weblog\/category\/computers\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":727,"url":"https:\/\/hyperthinking.us\/weblog\/2009\/04\/23\/email-trouble\/","url_meta":{"origin":7311,"position":2},"title":"Email Trouble","author":"Maisy","date":"Thursday, April 23, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"I am having email problems and I guess it should matter, but I guess it does. One of my email accounts is fritzing out, and I can't get new email, or even have any of the old email I save. It's Imap and I thought I had a version of\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Computers"","block_context":{"text":"Computers","link":"https:\/\/hyperthinking.us\/weblog\/category\/computers\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":7849,"url":"https:\/\/hyperthinking.us\/weblog\/2025\/03\/26\/7849\/","url_meta":{"origin":7311,"position":3},"title":"Warframe 03-25-25","author":"Maisy","date":"Wednesday, March 26, 2025","format":false,"excerpt":"Last evening I was playing Warframe, started a Techrot mission and once in the mission my body and weapons weren't visible, only my reticles. I could use my abilities, and weapons, but visually I couldn't see myself or them. I couldn't interact with anything else. I found the charges for\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Entertainment"","block_context":{"text":"Entertainment","link":"https:\/\/hyperthinking.us\/weblog\/category\/entertainment\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4013,"url":"https:\/\/hyperthinking.us\/weblog\/2019\/08\/11\/chrome-app-android-problems\/","url_meta":{"origin":7311,"position":4},"title":"Chrome app Android Problems","author":"Maisy","date":"Sunday, August 11, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"My Samsung devices: Note8 Phone and S3 Tablet both have Chrome unresponsive issues. Chrome and Google search on my phone both would freeze for many seconds to over a minute before freeing up nearly every time I searched or opened a site ... I have restarted the phone, cleared phone\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "General"","block_context":{"text":"General","link":"https:\/\/hyperthinking.us\/weblog\/category\/general\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":336,"url":"https:\/\/hyperthinking.us\/weblog\/2006\/10\/30\/we-have-a-new-washer\/","url_meta":{"origin":7311,"position":5},"title":"We have a new washer!","author":"Maisy","date":"Monday, October 30, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Friday we went out looking for a new washer. It was a horrid day for me, I had, I think, my 1.3 version migraine during that time, or it was 1.2 and resolved, then turned into 1.3. 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