Um, I mean, You know, Uh

“Um, I mean, You know, Uh” Um … these phrases and words have meaning, but I hear them far too frequently being used wrongly from people I know in real life as well as from people on TV and Radio shows, interviews, news, etc.

I find it very frustrating to hear people who are otherwise fairly intelligent sound as if they have swiss cheese brains when speaking.

My own dear husband uses “You know …” a whole lot. He knows he does it and is trying to curtail it, or get rid of the habit completely. Sometimes he or others will use the “I mean” or the “You know” phrase correctly, then go on to use it two or three more times in the next sentence or two, or more times than that in the same space of time, incorrectly, the brain fog stumble bumble ground space.

I contend that if one can utter those sounds during a search phase for the right word(s) or during thought processing of the conversation and where it’s going, then they can learn to substitute a “blank space” for those phrases that do not sound very intelligent. This blank space is called “a pause” and it is utilized to allow one speaking to gather a thought internally and prepare it for external sounding, as well as allowing the speaker to direct the listener to reflect on what was just said a bit, as in “it is a useful thing I just said, so think on it a bit before I go on” which is an unspoken cue we all do use, I do believe.

It’s purely that some folks need to learn to harness their mind to speak clearly. There is no need to say “Um” unless you are using an audible “Um” for a pupose of disagreeing, about to say something that won’t be taken very well by the listener maybe, for instance. This is a sound that doesn’t need to be pulled out for public consumption in converstation very often, let alone several or more times in a short conversation, as is used by so many people, just start to listen, and you will hear it. You may be surprised to hear yourself going “Um …. Um …. ” where you shouldn’t.

The same thing goes for “You know” as well as “I mean”. There are other phrases and words of conversational offense that qualify in this category, but I’m not making a perfect laundry list here, only speaking on the major three. Any word or phrase that is recycled in a redundant, useless way can be changed, deleted from ones language usage port and thoughtfulness can be utilized instead. It takes study, practice, and continued practice to attain a cleaner conversing mode. Never let your guard down. It does get easier as time goes on, with practice, of course.

I used to have a habit many years ago of saying “I’m sorry” often. I wasn’t “sorry” only used it incorrectly, too often, because I was embarrassed to speak a loud in some cases initially, and the habit just grew and grew, until I put my foot down and stopped it.

I was aware of it throughout the entire affair. I have an internal reflectiveness (am an INTP) and this aides my ability to see what goes on and understand it more thoroughly. It’s the way I am wired to be reflective and to see the need for correct, in this case, speech, to get rid of the silly sounding speaking modes. I was young when I fell into the “I’m sorry” thing, and wised-up sooner than later. I am certainly qualified to speak to this issue of using “pauses” instead of “language” since I have gone through the needed replacement practice myself, and know it works. One has to hear themselves, recognize the error(s), and want to change, then do the needed changing. It’s much like any other thing, but it’s so easy to do this change, it’s a cinch if you just put your mind to work. Yes, all people can, regardless of their wiring, reflect inside a bit, even if they are extroverts, they can benefit from learning “how to” just as we moreso introverted people can and usually do learn to be a bit more extroverted in some ways that aren’t quite natural for us. It’s the simple, stop and think before speaking. Do this replacement pause learning and learning to speak and think at the same time, and reflect inside before spilling out the beans.

Being under pressure in an interview for work, on TV, giving a speech, talking to someone important, these are the times you want to be sure you speak clearly. On the phone for work, talking to friends, talking to family, isn’t it nicer to have clarity of speech, to sound sure of oneself, not dropping the “um”, “you know”, and “I mean” type phrases so frequently.

I listen to people talk. They sound great, make sense, then they say “… you know, …” and I cringe, wait, and wait for another and invariably once one comes out, more will definitely come out soon. These people talk for a long time with no problems, then start dropping those phrases into their speech.

I will go on to say that there can be various reason for this, but ultimately it comes down to being a bit more thoughful about what you are saying and drawing on the silent pause instead of the audible phrases when those times come.

This is the American Language I hear these problems in. I am not so sure about English speakers (Britain) etc, or other languages, do they have this sort of problem? Spanish, French, German, Dutch, etc.?

I was watching Fox & Friends the other morning, and Dennis Leary was on (talking about his show “Rescue Me”, which I have never watched myself) and he started talking about something and dropped a “you know” and it wasn’t a for sure wrong way, but sort of “iffy”. Sure enough, a few sentences later a couple of more of them dropped out and I turned the TV off, and started thinking of a post to write on this blog. So this is it!