Dh has been out for the last few days, getting home this weekend, not too soon at all. I mean, I wish he’d been here the last few days, hard days with a PMS mother needing a break! I about snapped at my worst this morning. I had put on “happy cream” this cycle due to feeling more and more PMS-ish the last few cycles, and wow this one was worse, in how it “made me feel mean” … eeks. Happy Cream was great earlier on when I used it, then I didn’t a few days, then later regretted it, then it did not much yesterday when I put it on, and really it didn’t since this morning was overwhelmingly proof of it … I then at that breaking point put some one again, and felt no relief … but many hours later I felt an instant cooling off, my true me in my head returning, and evidence for why was soon to come. Yeah, PMS over. Nothing pre about it no more. Always the best situation in every day life for resolving that old PMS problem.
I usually don’t write posts like this, but I am now since I really have known about Happy Cream for as long as I’ve had a blog practically, and I haven’t used it much at all the last couple of years, feeling alright most of the time, but knowningly seeing a pattern of going downhill with feeling more PMS-ish month-by-month for a bit, then creeping back uphill again. So it’s something about something … I don’t know what though. I could kick myself for not just using the Happy Cream, it works when it’s used habitually at the right times, and for me, if I just started to use it if I know I feel mentally mean and it’s about the right time for PMS, then I’d be better off month-by-month no doubt, breaking that pattern to pieces.
Talking to someone the other week about sensitivites, she asked me about progesterone levels, and asked me how I felt in the last trimester of pregnancy, besides the usual discomforts, overall how did I feel. I told her “GREAT!” I did feel great and loved it. It was an awesome time for me, that last trimester, yeah, feeling so big, having to go potty a lot, starving usually, but exhilerationially high.
She told me a Doc was going to test her progesterone levels once, then asked her about the very thing she had just asked me … and her answer was the same as the one I gave, and the Doc said, then I KNOW you are low in progesterone usually. And he didn’t test her levels, was confident enough with her answer to know for himself satisfactorily.
I’ve never had mine tested either. I avoid doctors, to tell the truth, since I haven’t had any help me any over the years. I just deal with what I deal with. So it goes, with Happy Cream I must become a faster friend, it’s something that might aide me in getting a leg up on migraines, and who knows what else. Just not screaming, even once, for the “10 days” of it being more likely than not, would be great. I know that I usually can almost count it all out due to the way my responses to stimuli (children and DH) change from one day to the next between the 10 to 7 days out (before the new cycle begins.) It’s akin to how short my fuse is when I take Benadryl during the day. There is a great correlation between how the two things are so similar, but so very opposite, yet almost the same in many ways still. I’m so sensitive to Benadryl, I take a 1/4 tsp. of liquid and it can be too much, or I take 1 pink pill and cut it in half and just that half will throw me for a loop. Instructions are for 2 of those pink pills usually, and that would put me out into nightmare status in short order for too many long hours. It’s bad enough to be thrown for a loop as I am with half a pill, or a tiny bit of the liquid. But I take it occasionally due to itchy nose/eyes allergies … it’s worth it when I do it, and just when I get relief of the reason I took it, I get the “sorry I took it” blues when I snap and blow if I don’t just “go to bed” and sleep it off. It’s not the real me, it’s like my personality when ‘normal’ has a nice cushy wall around it. When I take even a minute dose of Benadryl, that soft cushy wall instantly disappears and everything rushes at me rawly, and I rush right out rawly to meet it. It’s likened to a protective brick wall being there usually, and being gone instantly and feeling nude and unprotected, knowing you used to feel the wall’s presence, but feeling as if it’s a dream world it was in, and that reality is flat, ugly and raw. I say things in that condition that I’d NEVER say, the wall keeps it in even if I think it. Benadryl is evil, a necessary evil though. So I try to tough it out and ONLY take it if I must, and try to tough that out and ONLY take it at bedtime if I can.
So then, PMS is sort of like that. It’s that wall, it’s gone. It’s like my personality was flattened by a steam roller. It’s not that I’m depressed, no, it’s that I feel one dimensional-ish, and it’s “fine if I’m alone” and “rage building up if anyone is around me” which is a bad, bad thing if you live with people, especially little people. OK so I admit it’s tough, but it’s not always this bad. This is the worst time I’ve had in months, but I saw it coming, and should have aided myself the last week, but didn’t. I’m going to have DH get me a new container of cream.
Not to embarrass him or any other guys, but there are times when guys seem a bit PMS-ish, in a male way … and DH has let me put a bit of my cream on him, and voila, nice guy comes back. I have also snuck some on him without him knowing that I did it (but I told him afterwards) to prove to him and me that it really did or didn’t affect him. It does really help guys if they are cranky and moody and can’t snap out of it. It happens sometimes, not all the time, just that occasional funk that hits a guy, maybe not every guy, but some guys.
I recognize it as conversations happen in certain ways, if I know that I have to watch myself, and am being really careful, but Dh is just plainly arguementable no matter what I do or don’t say, I know it’s a good time for my Happy Cream, and unfortunately he’s not always close enough to get that done, as was the case today, since he’s miles away. Oh well. That’s the way it goes.
So I am not needing to use my happy cream for a couple of weeks, for me at least, and then I’ll be trying to make it all nice and happy times instead of frowning, stewing, screaming times.
It’s so fun being a girl. We can understand being “mad” as in “crazy” one minute, and being rationally sane the next. It’s that maddeningly obvious when one time period ends and another begins, it’s like the maddening fog is lifting magically. Ahhhh. That is only weighed as good since then bodily discomforts arrive and any pain is dealt with while totally rationally sane, which might be betterly dealt with if out of mind with maddness, in actuallity. It’s not that bad, really. It used to be, when I was younger, but that all edged away in my early 20’s and hasn’t been so bad since, since before I had children. Some folks say it’s “having babies” that changes it for the pain sufferers in youth. But for me I know it’s not that, since I was about 29 when my first baby was born. That’s more than a few years after it abated for me overall. Let’s just say I have empathy for any of you young girls with painful cycles. I suffered for a couple of years, getting so very ill, until a doctor introduced me to a new prescription-only drug “Motrin” and what a lifesaver that was for me, until I had no way to get a prescription for awhile, then it came on the market as over-the-counter and my life was saved again. Even now, occasionally it’s nice to take some of that wondrous drug the first day or two, to ease the terror of it, though even the worst of it is a walk in the park compared to any I dealt with between 14 and 21 years of age. Back then I habitually had to miss three or four days of school every month. Motrin gave me my life back. I wanted to die those first three days, and it’s like Motrin was a magic potion. No other product on the market has ever helped me, as Motrin did, still does (Advil is what I use now.)
So I have to say, yeah, once I had a doctor get a good thing going for me, the Motrin. That’s it, that’s the first and only truly helpful thing I’ve gotten. All my allergies and sensitivities are better off with self-treatment/comfort, natural stuff seeking, avoiding allergens, which is hard when it’s pretty much integral of BUILDINGS that is the problem for me. Like shopping, I Thank God that he made me to not like shopping very much. Going shopping gives me a raw sore throat in short order. It always has since I’ve noticed allergies in me … the early days of this “phenomenon” I didn’t realize what it was, but it’s chemical sensitivities, really. I know I just have to be careful and stores are where I shouldn’t be much. Clothing that is new HAS to be washed, and for my preference, more than once before wearing. Oh, and that, it has to be washed in a detergent that is a “allergy and dye free and clear” variety, or else my eyes get stickier than gum so fast. Like spending the night in a hotel, or in someone elses house, I have miserable nights since most everyone uses a bothersome detergent, except for my household, I’ve notices on my travels. 🙁 So to put on clothing that someone else washed, to not think of it before getting dressed, then to realize it, it’s horrid, the cycle it sets up isn’t pretty. No wonder I don’t like to travel. There now, DH you might get a blinky understanding of why, just from this one standpoint.
My kitties aren’t allergies to me (only a bit itchy if I get them in my face for too long, but overall it’s much less of a problem than the next things, I mean, I’ve had them all my life and don’t always struggle so badly, it’s all due to these other things, and exasperated, no doubt in my mind, by vaccinations), it’s mostly detergents, chemicals, perfumes of various natures (but not every one of them), and mold, grass, mold, mold, mold. UGH.
Can’t you tell I’ve been itchy, sticky and mean all week, and it’s so nice to be able to get it out on “paper.” Relief to “voice” misery. Ha. I’ve neither said a thing about it aloud, nor touched a pen to paper. Illusionary words, paper and voice. 🙂