Blah Blah it’s all obvious

I haven’t always known I was Autistic, but always knew I was different from everyone else. I always knew my mother was different too. Just not like me either. Really.

She was extroverted, stay at home mother of 5, and working weird jobs sometimes. Really, I can’t prove it, but sure she was Autistic. She was born in 1926, so no way to find out about it, actually. She died years ago.

So what happened for me, I loved school, but didn’t have many friends, just a friend across the street. Then we moved, and my next door neighbor was my same age, same birth month and year. I still loved school then, but started having trouble with math, and that held me back from higher “special” classes.

I always excelled at spelling and reading comprehension, math gives me that fuzzy TV ‘no signal’ on a tube television like thing.

I can deal with numbers on my own time, recipes, finances, I can work it out fine, just don’t get me to drop the answer to this and that number times something, I don’t audible math at all.

I can deal with recipes, cut them in half, in quarter, double, triple etc. I don’t like having to do fussy fraction things though.

I will choose to do something that will be an easy, like divide a tsp down to 1/4 then the rest of the recipe is easier with their whole numbers usually.

I’ll increase weird fractions up to a large whole number and multiply the whole recipe to that level, then incremental it down to a smaller whole size if possible.

Yes, I play with the numbers, don’t bother with calculators.

Fussy multiple crappy fractions, are more difficult, but I manage.

So I knew I was ADHD though at some point in my early 20’s. Personality tests drew me always. Psychological stuff. Tried to compare my thinking to others, and no one ever was similar.

I got married at 26 years of age. First baby right before 30 years old. We moved to another State

I was a stay at home mother then. No more work. 3 more kids in the next 11 years.

Back to schooling years, we lived in a nice State that I loved, then all the worst in my life happened, and my Dad moved us to Florida, which I always hated to death. School there was horrible, I hated it. I force stayed home in 9th grade after a bit, and did 9th grade the next year. I never really was liked by most kids, and had a very lonely existence. In 10th I was in a different city and it was a private christian school, I got through 10th and most of 11th, and quit right then and there with the last bullying (a teacher) I just said forget it. Went home and that was that. Got my GED later on.

Staying home with my family was the only thing that made sense to me, not that I was good at it, but if I had to work, I couldn’t have had children.

I would have really struggled worse than I was being a stay at home autistic, and didn’t know it, and ADHD self-diagnosed non-treated mother.

I got in with the church we started going to, and things devolved to being practically pushed out. Very cult-y.

I never had any friends there. No one would sit with us, or during meal things we’d sit at a table and no one would every join us at our table.

We kept going and I ended up hating it as things changed and it just got so bad.

So if someone came to the door, hide, HIDE!

Hubby and I went to the grocery store and shopping together in the beginning, and as the kids were young they came with then it was three little ones and it was harder.

We had a mini van then, and hubby didn’t want to bring us all to the store, because it was too much. But then he EXPECTED me to do that ALL BY MYSELF.

Load all three children and go to the store myself. WTF

So I didn’t.

He ended up going to the store alone most of the time, when they were older it was fine to leave oldest in charge. I had my 4th baby when my eldest was 11 so he would go with us.

COVID lock down meant only hubby went to stores. Since then on and off I have a lot of problems and don’t go much anywhere again now.

Since 2018 I have felt more inflammation and difficulty, tried lots of eating different and blah blah blah, here we are the last 2 years with it all different now, not really carpal anymore, just miserable night fluid and junk to get out all day, just miserable and lots of migraines too.

So of course I find out that less energy is annoying, but hey ho, there I am, it makes sense, I very different all my life and this is that part of me that my ADHD brain didn’t really let me see, but it was there all the time. Quiet down my life and I’m still here, just not as ADHD, more something else, and it took years until I finally figured it out in 2024. LATE self-diagnosis,