Difficulties List

Everything is difficult. Lets rank it:

1. Sleep – my sleep isn’t restorative and basically I’m not sure it isn’t and I’m just at my end so can’t see energy or lack of buzzing or lack of junk in every corner of everything, over sensitivity, lack of family support.
2. Lack of family support. No CHAOS.
3. I can’t exercise because of how I feel and if I do anything it only brings me weeks and weeks and months of pain.
4. I’m hardly ever hungry, I could exist with no day hunger and only early morning hunger and especially middle of the night, that’s when I feel it most.
5. Food is blah. I like sourdough that I make. I like a little of this and that, but when a meal hasn’t been made for dinner, for days in a row, there is nothing to eat but toast.
6. Our bathrooms are falling apart. Well, the walk in shower is a mess, can’t be used, going to have to be gutted. Something about my tub isn’t right, probably the plumbing inside and can we get to it from the wall behind? That is the question. But… is it bad? No. Just dampness, structurally sound. I need a bath, take all the junk out of the bathroom that doesn’t belong there and let me use the freaking tub.

That’s all. I’m kept from my tub because of my one son. To deal with it myself, in the old days, like 7 years ago, no problem I did everything by myself back then. That’s it. I killed myself though I shouldn’t have, I paid for all the killings of myself I did every day.