Big News

Last Wednesday (October 11, 2006) I was contemplating some things and thinking very deeply about them. I have been reticent to write about it here, but after reflecting on it for a bit more than a week, I am thinking it more wise to say it here than not, and to elicit any prayers from y’all that pray to the True God, Almighty God who reveals Himself in the Bible and through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Over 2 and a half years ago I became pregnant for the fourth time. We were very glad that our fourth child was on the way. Some weeks later I had a spot of blood and within a week I lost the baby at about 9 weeks along. It was a horrid time for me. I have healed (the pain of the loss) since then, but still am very sensitive at times.

So with that as background, I’ll get into my contemplation from last week.

I was oh so tired and lying about for a couple of days more than not, and began to think that morning on when I was supposed to expect my next cycle beginning. I hadn’t written it down (I’ve had a bad organizational thing about that for the last year plus, just knowing instinctively when and using hindsight to keep tabs on it) so it took some thinking time to sort the puzzle out.

I have to be forthcoming about this, my hubby and I haven’t done much of nothing for the last few months, I have some dental work to be done and didn’t feel like … well, you know.

So I’ll get back to my contemplation: I recalled finally, for sure, my last cycle began on September 11th. That was a long time before that contemplation day. I realized that I was so very tired, moreso than just ‘running ragged’ like I do sometimes.

Now for a bit more late September info. I usually don’t talk out about sexual things, but I have to here. Hubby and I got more understanding down when I was looking into some info to aide ‘typing’ his personality via Socionics and discovered out of three that I’d singled out that one was my “Dual” and when I looked deeper at “Duality in Socionics” it was blazingly obvious that my husband and I have a Dual relationship according to Socionics, and that cleared up some stuff for us that was blocking some closeness. I printed out some data to read to him on September 25, a Monday. I wasn’t able to read it until the next day, and it was like a refreshing breath of air to us, and then I found a bit more to read to him and on Wednesday afternoon we … well, I won’t say :blush: but meanwhile I thought “this is close to fertile time, but it’s far enough away, isn’t it?” while feeling totally that I would get pregnant for sure, and continuing on anyhow, caring yet not. That was September 27th, the first time in three months.

So it was October 11th and my cycle never came at the semi-normal 26-to-28 days, and I was feeling “thick” inside, which is what pregnancies 2, 3, and 4 felt like in the beginning, and I was so bone tired, and peeing more and more each day, way more than normal for me.

So after tossing this info about for awhile I considered, “oh boy, this is it” and tossed about the idea of going upstairs to the master bath and rooting around to see if I had a test in the cabinet. I passed the info on to my husband, who was working (he works at home.) Actually a few times before I came to almost conclusions I asked him about dates and things that had happened to pin down the last cycle date, and during that time he got annoyed at me for peppering him with questions, that he was working on something that he needed to concentrate on. So I got really Fe (Feeling externalized, Socionics) and let him know quite passionately that I had something bigger going on and I needed to figure it out NOW and he had some keys to the final answer that I needed.

So when I finally told him I was going up I know he heard me and knew what I was going to do, but in the end he was dufus about it. I went up and found a Clear Blue Easy box that I had gotten for the time before. It had originally come with 3 tests. I had used one. So there were two test left. They were sealed up correctly still, and had lived in our bathroom deep in a cabinet for over 2 1/2 years. The date on them was late 2005, but I still used it. I take “expiration dates” as “suggestions” not as “law” 🙂

So I did the test, capped it and let it sit on the counter and do it’s stuff. It was working, the first line — started to appear and a few seconds later as I looked at it I thought I saw a | line starting, like a ghosted image really. I blinked, cleared my eyes a few times, blinked hard again and sure enough, within a few seconds there was a | line. It was faint, but growing in intensity. The — line was dark by then. The test was still working, the “control” little line hadn’t been reached yet, and before it did show up, the control line, the previous test area had a definite + sign, with the — being lighter and the | being darker.

To sum it up then, the test showed + definitely way before the control window worked.

So yes, I am pregnant. This being my 5th pregnancy, we have three children already, lost one in the first trimester a couple of years ago. I am 5 weeks along right now, it’s still early. I am excited, yet a bit reticent due to the last pregnancy not working out. I’m praying to God to keep me and the baby healthy and keep the baby growing and healthy and that the baby will be born in June or July of 2007 safely and be our fourth live child.

I’m a lot older than when I had my first three children. I was 29 when R. was born. I was 32 when V. was born. I was 34 when A. was born. I turned 40 in July of this year. No one in my family has had children when they were as old as I was, mostly. Definitely not this age I am now.

My mother did have children in her 30’s, but my sisters had theirs in their 20’s. My mom was 38 when I was born. FWIW

So much has changed since our last baby to be in the house. Hubby put all my stuff in the garage since then, and it’s all messed up from mice now. Actually we tossed out some of it in the last month, without knowing I was pregnant yet. I was misty eyed over and over again as we pulled things out.

Also, in the last few months I let my Hubby take my maternity dresses that were packing one corner of my closet. I loved them and wanted them “just in case” but let them go since it didn’t seem I would need them, with the last one not working out and getting older and just not “getting pregnant” much in the 14+ years of marriage without birth control, totally opened to every possible pregnancy.

I remember that I half-joked that now that we were getting rid of them I’d probably be needing them.

I had bought a new dress via eBay back when I was pregnant before, and I never wore it since I lost that baby at 9 weeks along. I wanted to wear it, it was so perfect for me, classic in style and I could never find a regular dress like that, and to be large in pregnancy in that dress was a dream for me, but it’s not here now. I know it’s just a few miles up the road if it’s still in the thrift store we gave it to. But I’ll not look until I go further into this current pregnancy. [edit-addition date=Sunday, Oct. 22, 2006 8:20 am]: I was talking about the previous fact, that is now striken out, yesterday to my hubby in the mini-van on the way to IKEA in Atlanta, and eldest son piped up that he knows that the dress(es) are in his closet. Hubby had first said he thought that my old favorite dark blue with white tiny polka dots was in there, and a couple of others, but not my newer non-worn wonderful white dress. Eldest said for sure the blue dress is there, and he thought that the white dress was. I truly was wowed by that, I thought DH brought them away months before. So when we finally returned home, I went potty, then raced into the boys room to check out their closet, and sure enough, ALL my maternity dresses are there. 🙂 That’s a smile, since I might surely be needing them, and I hope I will be needing them soon, and I feel like I will, as things are right now.[/edit-addition]

I’m really hoping and hoping more and more that this baby will continue along fine.

If any of y’all can pray for me that I’ll be alright, heathy enough, stay pregnant, the baby stay healthy and grow properly, and that come about June 20th all will be well and delivery be safe and satisfying, I’d be greatful. Please leave comments about it here if you can.

Thank you God for your blessings, and for the children you have given us and will give us, to be a stewardship over.