What’s eating me: Personalities and Sensory issues

A recent thread on a e-list I’m on has caused me to desire to write this post. Regarding Sensory Integration Issues … my writing here is how they relate to ADD/ADHD, or the Edison Trait, or Bouncing Brains … as my Hyperthinking site here is named after.

I haven’t spent much time developing this site as I intended to do. I’ve been occupied elsewhere online, doing other things with other websites. Totally what’s normal for a “bouncing brain”. One day I’ll do more here. When? Whenever opportunity and desire spark a flame in my mind 😉

This is part of the whole deal. If I were to be assigned to take care of this site on a regular basis, writing, designing, linking, whatever: it’d be a problem. As it is, it fits into my life perfectly, it sits here and just IS. It’s updated when the fancy strikes. It’s not anywhere near the look that I desire, it’s supposed to be the most like ME that I can separate away from my other roles … which I write as elsewhere. This site is me, my bouncing hyperactive brain.

It seems rather dull, when I look at it’s image. My brain isn’t that. But I’ll admit I’ve been occupying my other hats more than my very own humanbeing one mostly.

I’ve been awakened, briefly, to speak a bit about it though. I have many things that one could label me with, and the Sensory Integration Issue thread speaks to that. This is one of those things that “gifted” people seem to have, as it was “joked”. Ah, not a joke though in real life. The thread treated it like so, but it’s actual … so-called “gifted” types seem to have sensitivities in one or more of their senses, that sets them as sub-normal compared to the “norm” out there.

I say that there are normal people, and there are other kinds as well. In smaller numbers than normal there are many categories. We all struggle with some things, and do better with other things, and do naturally yet other things as a second-nature. How this is distributed in the population fits well with the Bell Curve as can be seen at bouncingbrains.com. I’m no scientist, just speaking from a laymans experience view.

I see it this way, as I would be on the right side of that bell curve, as a 2.3 most of the time, sometimes a 2.2 or 2.1, sometimes a 3.something. 2.3 is my “normal” territory. I can view people and when I know them some, see if they are on the fringes or at the top or somewhere near it in the “normal” range of the bell curve. Not that I’m particularly good at it, just what I sense. I test on a short personality “bloginality” test as ENTP, and External Intuition is one of the things I’m good at, if I can say so myself, it’s how I’ve gotten through life these 37+ years. Other test sometimes show me as something else, depends on my mood when I take them. ENTP fits me well though. Now, how many of these kind of people are out there? They aren’t the masses of normality.

Getting to my point: I get so annoyed when Christians jump on the bandwagon of saying that Sensory issues, ADD type things, and such are sinful, or can be changed at will, etc.

I will admit that someone who is similar to what the ADHD charts say an ADHD individual struggles with, will have a harder time fitting into society. They have a harder time learning “self control”.

Let’s take the normal populace … do they ALL learn “self control” at the same time, as easy as the next person, or born with it, all of them? Why no. There are staggered stages of learning. It’s something that has to be learned to one degree or another, easier for some, hardest for some, etc.

Once self-control is learned, um wait. Self-control is something that is a life long experience! So, some seem to struggle with it more than others. Is this something to be changed “at will”? Indeed, ones lot in life is to strive to obey God, if they are one of His chosen. It doesn’t mean that they have the power to be perfect, or somewhere close even.

I contend that no human IS perfect, or even close. When God prounced Abraham as Righteous, that did not mean he was perfect. Blameless does not mean that someone has lived a certain lifestyle way, per se.

I’m not calling for “everyone lives how he wants to”. I’m saying that there ARE ways of living that are different and all within the framework of allowable for a Christian. We aren’t cookie-cutter people, nor cookie-cutter-families, nor cookie-cutter-churches, nor made from dough and a cookie-cutter. We were made by God, the MASTER CRAFTSMAN. He made us. Individual’s, like we are for a reason.

So then, I hear more than I should, get aggitated easier than most people. Hate the phone. Love the computer. Love books, movies, nature, sitting. I love building fires in the fireplace, baking bread. I hate cleaning. I love babies. I love my children. I love my husband. I’m not happy with the mess in my house. I am tied away from fixing my house how I want it — the mess slays my mind internally and shrinks my brain. Can I “at will” correct this? No. I need motivation that no one can provide but providencially. What does that mean? It’s all a great mystery. What motivates me one time, won’t the next … it’s simple. I must do as I’m directed by my feelings. My feelings drive me. These are not the drivelly feelings of music, literature, and movies and politics. This is the only way to explain in human terms that itch in the brain, that souped up high feeling one gets when motivation hits. It’s a drug and it feels good when it’s on. When it’s off, it’s dull, gray, cloudy, ugly out and in. Boring at best. Hum drum, de dum. It’s like the sun shining when it’s on. Dark clouds when it’s off. So, messy room, dark clouds. It hurts. My head really feels stuffy and hurt looking at it. It literally causes my feeling to be painful.

Getting mad at something can turn on the sunshine. But I can’t “just get mad” at will, and neither is that the desired way to be motivated anyhow. I like happy motivation, but it’s not a button I can press. I need cooperation from my family, but so far, they like to make messes. Me, myself, alone I would have clutter, but I’d be in control of it, and I’d be a different person. God gave me over to want a family, and that means a good thing: I get lessons daily in “not being in control” 🙂

I love life. God gave me what I need to live for Him. Daily knowlege that He died for me, and there’s NOTHING I can do to save myself, it’s all of HIM. So, this is one way I look at the way I am. I love the hyper thinking that happens … it takes me so many great places. I love the hypo thinking too, it keeps me on my knees before God.

I am a home keeping Christian Mama, home educating her children. I’m not typical of other homemakers nor homeschoolers. I’m eclectic and weird and messier than most.

I’m a very itchy person, highly prefer natural fabrics as clothing choices. I hear way too much for my own liking most of the time. It’s beneficial, hearing what others don’t … but my bane as well, sounds bother me that I can’t turn off … tubed TV’s make a horrid high pitched whine … I can turn them off, but at a price. I hear people talking and have to plug my ears so I don’t overhear things I’m not supposed to hear. I get overwhelmed with too much visual imput. I’m mostly a visual learner, and in modern public environs it’s tough. I’ve relegated myself to prefering natural, oldfashioned ways over modern, for the most part. Slower life suits me, and keeps my hyper insides feeling better. My pain threshhold is high, things that hurt in someone else, don’t feel like much in me, and I suffer from Migraines. I can only imagine that mine are easier than some other folks, as I treat them over the counter, and with natural things like ice, massage, etc. My worst ones are bad, but maybe that’s a joke to other Migraine sufferers. I have had three babies. I can’t even say that my Pitocin induced on Pitocin for over 12 hours straight labor, was “painful”. Pain? It’s relative, and surely it’s not painful for any kind of labor. Right? Well, other women say it’s painful, so I believe them, but for me it pressure, of different levels — feelings, but not “pain”. Oh it’s a migraine that’s worse than any labor … I’ve had one totally natural labor, at home, and it was easy, just intense for a few minutes.

So there are some Sensory things that just put me in a wacky category. Most others that have wacky things of their own kind in the sensory categories have some extreme kind of bell curve placement as well, they may or may not recognize it.

It’s funny how so many people just won’t, can’t or won’t, accept the fact that there’s “the norm” and there’s extremes on both sides, and that it’s alright to be “different”

Biblically speaking there is no way that I’m going to forfeit eternal life based on the way my house looks on the average day. Works are important, but perfect works are impossible. Intentions with fruitful workings are important, but perfection in those fruitful workings are not possible with the best intentions. Neither are bad intentions right. But judging ones works and intentions based on a cleanies household status is absolutely ridiculous. So goes other things in ones life, basing judgement of them on someone that does it better is so wrong. Judging is something that MOST of life doesn’t need.

If it is alright to judge what’s right in household management, and say I’m lacking and have a measuring stick held to me — then perhaps I need to hold a measuring stick to them about computer savvy, base it on me. Or how about asking if they bake their own bread with fresh ground whole grain flour? See, it’s just a deep pit to fall into — those with cleanie gifts don’t have other gifts like I have. I don’t have cleanie and will never be a cleanie, but I do agree that things could be better managed, and in time, things will improve. When you have 5 people in a house, and one is doing the work, and one does some of the work some of the time, and the first really doesn’t do all the work hardly ever, but three of them do all the messing all the time … it’s a hard, hard, life. 😉 Children growing up and not making so many messes will make a big difference in my housekeeping skills. So that’s one thing. Motivation based on others household performance. If something is less than good, but not bad, it’s more motivating to fix it. Believe me, I know this from experience!

I’m really not sure if my point has gotten across, the way I want, in this post. I’ve invested too many words for me to edit it right now. Ever get that way? I’ll be able to read it and cringe, maybe tomorrow, or the next day. Maybe then I can edit it.

My final thing then is, look at life, and see how different people make things really nice. I don’t want anyone to be just like me. How boring. Heaven is not going to be that boring. Personalities are part of the soul, I think. There are similar ones, but each similar one is peculiar to any other. Unfortunatley, in this world many people reject “personality profiling” as well. Cookie-cutter personality tests are better than saying everone has the same cookie-cutter shape. Personality test measure what cookie cutter someone is based on, but there are different notches and mounds and depressions in each person made … making them unique, individual, and very peculiar, even if next to someone so very similar in habit, form, thinking, etc.